Warrior Wave – The Perfect Me
I’ve had a revelation today…or should I say, today’s revelation was….
What was it?
That I have to know why. Why am I doing this?
Why am I doing what?
Anything and everything.
The Night finished with fireworks. I realized how many things I could and would love to do in this life. I spent most of last night dancing, singing, writing, drawing…One thing was crystal clear – I could do all these things and really, I mean, really have fun. In the morning, I woke up and the inevitable fact hit me hard – I had to pick one. At least for this day.
I decided to do…nothing. For just a little while, to stop everything and restart my mind to begin the new wave refreshed. And the first thing that came to mind was – write the post for the new wave. A pang of resistance hit me. I had a sudden strong urge to watch a movie or go shoot some fireworks for the 4th of July with the neighbors…I mean, anything but write.
Obviously, I had a problem and I had to solve it immediately. I’ve been feeling a little too uncomfortable with the way I’m doing it now. The resistance means I’m doing it from the wrong perspective. I’m not in the right place here, for whatever reason, and I’m not going to attract anything but the wrong manifestations with it.
I asked myself – what is the Warrior’s way to solve this? It would be to…face the fear! What does it mean exactly? Approach it as a mathematical problem or a riddle. ASK QUESTIONS.
The first and most important question to ask myself is, why am I doing it? What is my reason? What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to gain from this? Again, why am I doing it?
From there, it was easy. The answer to the first why led to another why. The answer to that one led to a new why, and so on. After just a few minutes, I had all my becauses in line. What does this mean? It’s the easiest thing in the universe. All you have to do is get to the things that fit the ultimate reason:
BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I WANT. BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD.
Because I WANT TO. Because I feel it in my heart. It doesn’t have to make sense. It might even be scary when my mind says it is, but that doesn’t change the feeling of rightness and the pull in my heart.
So, I went on a why-because ride which ended in front of a very clear picture of two separate roads. One was the path I wanted to be on and the other one was the path I was on. As I said – going in different directions. Actually, the one I was on had no direction in particular. More than a path, it was going in circles. But I didn’t know how to get from where I was to where I wanted to be. So the Warrior told me to ask!
“There is no question without an answer. In fact, all questions are born after the answers already exist.”
And that was the beginning of my journey with the Warrior by my side. I decided to let that journey unfold during the day because I knew the Warrior would deliver his messages through my experiences. He wouldn’t not talk into my head like some radio. That simply wouldn’t be fun. I prepared to follow becoming watchful of where we were going.
He made his points in many little and big situations during the day, but three conversations stood out.
The first one was very pleasant. After all three had passed, I realized that I had known exactly why I started this one and that was the real reason why the experience had been fruitful and satisfying. It was a fluent exchange of insights with a friend in the course of which we both discovered important things about our personal lives. That conversation left me feeling… evolved.
The second conversation I started with a friend on FB just because I saw the green dot next to her name. I thought, “She’s not often online, I haven’t talked to her in a while, let me catch up.” That conversation was completely pointless. Yes, I love her to death but we are both too smart to complain to each other about anything that doesn’t go well, and when it comes to the good stuff in our lives, really what else is there to say except – all is perfect? So, I got exactly the result I had rather unconsciously aimed for. I simply “caught up” with her and the feeling of wasted time translated in missing her, which I didn’t feel before that.
The third conversation was a huge confusion that led to the exchange of bitter remarks out of incorrect preconceptions on both sides and unclear intentions. I did start off with the idea that something was unclear and it should be clarified, but the problem was that even what was unclear was unclear to me. The conversation was indirectly related to the work I’m doing with these blog posts. It was not fun but it left me with a very strong desire for clarity. That’s actually when I went on the why-because ride.
I realized I’m not staying true to my perspective. That my actions are not in alignment with my philosophy. That my heart and my mind are in conflict about this. That’s why every time I have to work on it, a fight explodes inside me. Over what? The heart says: “The Tzolkin is a PERSONAL calendar. You need to present it in a personal way.” The mind argues back: “It represents universal truths (that are true for everybody) so you have to be as impersonal about it as possible.” I’ve been trying to make both of them happy by making it personal in an impersonal way. That lead to tons of frustration with the result that I finally got it – I can’t!
Yes, the Tzolkin reveals universal truths but the way it does it couldn’t be more personal. It reveals itself to me through incredible experiences, synchronicities that make me get deeper into it and love it more and more with each passing day. But I don’t write about them. I share them with some close friends, like the one I had the first conversation with, but those conversations are so different from what I end up writing. When I realized that, I remembered that I started this website with a very clear intent in mind – to find my tribe, my real friends, my family. How would I talk to them about the Tzolkin?
That’s why you are reading a very personal blog post about how the Warrior guides me in my life. Today. How he’s teaching me to be the perfect version of myself. To be completely, totally, absolutely true to my values, in spite, and even through the fear that arises. Even though I’ve been wanting to go this way for a while, I’ve been scared, and I still am. Why? Because I’ve been conditioned to believe that I must not do anything about myself. And yet, I also believe that everything is personal!
The Warrior encouraged me:
Step into the fire in which your fears are forged. The greatest secrets in the universe are hidden in that fire because they are meant only for the brave ones. Those who understand that this fire is imaginary can put their hands inside and take out the secrets to their own lives. Those who are not ready for those secrets will be afraid enough of the flames to stay away from them. The answers to all your questions are hidden in your fears. Now, go, go, burn in the fire until you find what you are actually looking for.
I jumped in and started sorting out my fears. The Warrior kept guiding me:
“Intelligence! Use your intelligence! There are things you don’t know how to do today and that scares you? Don’t worry, as long as you know exactly what it is you want to learn, you will easily find a way to learn it. Of course, there are other ways to go about it – you can have someone who already knows do it for you, or not do it at all. But the most important thing is to decide on a direction and then you can choose your path. It will light up among the countless paths in the universe but only after you set an objective. The reason for your confusion isn’t the overwhelming number of paths to walk on. It’s that you haven’t decided where you want to arrive.”
That was Warrior wisdom after the third conversation. After the second one, he said:
“If you have no purpose, no real objective, no clear reason to do something; if you have no drive, no inspiration, no desire to go in a certain direction, don’t go just because you can walk. You’ll get lost.”
At the end of the day, while he was helping me get out of my armor, he reminded me the essence of his teaching, which he had summed up in the first conversation. The exact words of my friend were:
That’s like a game I was playing last night
It was this game – making a train out of dominoes
And you play with other people
I remember my friend’s boyfriend kept telling me
You need to decide and strategize beforehand
Otherwise, you will get really lost in this game
That friend, by the way, is a Magnetic Warrior. Happy galactic birthday, sister! I’m happy to have you in my life. To the others – I thank you dearly for the role you’ve played today. I love this Game so much!!! Strategy, it is! Bring it on, Warrior! If my fears are forged in the fire, I will become fire myself.
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